The Invisible Tax Working Mamas Pay (And Why We’re Done Paying It)

By Elize Fisher | Founder & Editor-in-Chief, WorkingMama®

The meeting behind this story, where I showed up as both a mother and a business owner.

Last week I had to bring my teenage daughter to a business meeting.

After the break-in we had a few months ago, I didn’t want her home alone. So there she sat at the table, earphones in, scrolling on her phone, while I tried to be professional.

I felt embarrassed the entire time.

Not because of her. She was perfect. Quiet, respectful, just being there.

I felt embarrassed because I thought I had to choose: be a good mother who protects her child, or be a good leader who shows up alone and uninterrupted.

I thought I was the only one who has ever had to make that choice. I’m not. You have too.

Lucky for me, the person across the table was also a parent and understood completely. But we shouldn’t need luck to be both.

That moment at the table is what I call the invisible tax. And every working mama in South Africa pays it.

The invisible tax of guilt

You are at work, feeling guilty you’re not with your kids.

You are with your kids, feeling guilty you’re not at work.

Last week I paid it at that table. Trying to lead a meeting while my eyes kept checking if my daughter was okay. Never fully where you are.

The visible tax of hiding your motherhood

To be seen as a serious leader, you have to hide that you’re a mother.

To be seen as a good mother, you have to hide that you’re ambitious.

I almost didn’t bring her. I almost left her home because I was scared of looking “unprofessional.” That thought alone is the tax. We shrink ourselves to make boardrooms comfortable.

Motherhood comes with us, even when the meeting is about business.

The “prove it again” tax

A man is promoted on potential. A working mama is promoted on proof. Again and again.

You have to prove you are committed. Prove you won’t leave. Prove you can lead a meeting with your daughter beside you and still close the deal.

In her WorkingMama® cover story, Zelmari Kern offers a reminder about self-belief:

Our circumstances are different, but those words made me question my own reaction at that meeting. I was protecting my daughter and showing up for my business. Why was I treating that as something to apologise for?

Stories that make the invisible visible

That is the shift.

We don’t need better balance. Balance is a lie sold to keep working mamas quiet.

We need visibility. We need tribe. We need stories that make the invisible, visible.

Zelmari Kern on the cover of WorkingMama®’s Visibility & Leadership issue.

When your story is printed, it can’t be erased from the meeting notes. When it’s kept on your shelf, your daughter finds it in 10 years and knows she doesn’t have to choose.

That is why we print stories worth keeping.